areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
