Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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