I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
