Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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