Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
