its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
