it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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