I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
