Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He better not be in your backpack
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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