what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
