I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
