I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
