next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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