I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to stick my p in your. b.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
