just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You left your phone here
Wait...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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