Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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