I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
