im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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