he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
