You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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