Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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