a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
