Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
