What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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