I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
