So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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