I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
