she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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