i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need to calm my uterus...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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