apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
