Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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