Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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