Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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