They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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