I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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