I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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