She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
