threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
