im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
