hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
