if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
