And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
