Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Too much gin, very little bucket
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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