Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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