Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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