I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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