i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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