You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Houston, we have a squirter
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
