sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
