does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
