New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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