You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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